Changes

Well I have not got off to a good start with the blog. I had good intentions of keeping it up to date but then life got in the way! Unfortunately I have had a digestion problem since last November meaning I have been unable to eat a full diet. This has meant a loss of two and a half stone but it also brought about intense tiredness. I took time off and reduced my work and slowly started healing again but this left little energy for anything else.But now diagnosed and understanding more of what my body needs my energy is coming back and I am feeling so much better.   Sometimes these illnesses are forced upon us to make us stop and reconnect with all that we are. It makes us think about ourselves and learn to also to put ourselves first. It can also bring about moments of deep contemplation. For a while I thought I may have cancer and thoughts ran through my head about the animals. There is my special needs Ronnie who not many people would cope with. The horses what would happen to them if I could no longer function and look after them. For a while without help I could not look after the horses and a long dog walk was totally out of the question.It was a time of contemplation and a little worry, I had to stop. For a week I watched day time TV, I think this was when my family realised there was something wrong. I meditated looking for answers and guidance, the answer all along came as “you will be ok”. But this at the time felt so hard to believe, I like a lot of people am not a good patient.   Frustration and anger kicked in and I hate to say it a little of poor me!I was getting nowhere with the NHS so I started to explore and investigate different diets and ways of eating. I completely stripped back my food, I could eat a very bland menu. Potatoes, carrots, rich tea biscuits, white bread, custard, marmite, cheddar cheese, cauliflower. This was my menu for a long while, I meditated seeking guidance of how to treat myself and dowsed on everything! It felt like I was letting my body heal. I lost the taste for coffee something I used to drink a lot, the smell of wine made me feel ill and the thought of eating my favorite foods could not be contemplated.I felt that I was not only on a journey of finding out about my body but also developing even deeper into spiritual life. After weeks of this cleansing the healings and communications were so powerful. Slowly, slowly my energy started to return so that I could stay up beyond 8pm. My horses healed me refusing any help from me until they had checked over my body.I kept saying to fellow healers that I felt this was a new phase of my healing journey. I knew I had habits that needed attending to but I always put them off. Well it was taken out of my hands and I was forced to take note. I felt that the stomach problems I was experiencing also showed me how the horses suffered with ulcers. How pain and discomfort can affect you physically and emotionally and make you feel as though you are in a never ending spiral. The thought of someone making me exercise and concentrate during these times of pain, well I would have bucked you off.The frustration I felt with the Doctors not listening or understanding. Even now when I have received the diagnosis the Doctors response was well if I was you I would eat normally and take drugs to stop your body reacting. That to me seemed ridiculous my body feels like it has been poisoned when I eat the wrong food. So I will listen to my body and feed it all that it desires in order for it to stay well and healthy.So I have been through a period of transformation and I feel now that with the coming of Spring I am now ready to move forward. I look forward to shedding the layers of clothing that I have worn to keep me warm. I to will then trot in the sun and leap around and feel the energy of the earth beneath my feet.A spiritual journey is full of lessons and experiences and sometimes when you refuse to listen you are forced to. A little like the horses when they become “problems” perhaps they have been communicating for so long, yet no one listens or acts. So they force us to, with a kick, bite, push, or perhaps they will switch off and go within. When we start to listen everything seems better, everything seems to somehow make sense.My horses have healed me through these few months and I feel blessed to have such special, beautiful beings as my family.  I recently met a horse who showed me  the special relationship he had with his guardian resulting in them both healing each other. Sam was in his late teens when he met Bill, he was thin and tired of people. Bill saw him and took him home and then started a journey of love and understanding to give Sam a reason to live. Bill then became ill and it was Sam’s turn to give back some of the love and healing. They are now both well and happy after being together for 6 years. Throughout the healing Sam stood with his nose close to Bill’s chest the healing was going to both of them. I told Bill that he had already healed Sam and he replied “we have healed each other”.All of the horses I meet have stories to tell or show me some of it sad like the x-race horse who feels a failure and is depressed. He is finding it hard to accept the love of his wonderful new guardian who promises him a home for life with lots of fun. Po came in from the field with his head low and would have been quite happy to block us all and eat. But I knew he needed healing badly, we had an intense healing. For a while Po put his head in my arms and I can only describe him sobbing, his nose dripped and he completely let go.  It was evening stables and the yard was busy but for the three of us there was no sound. His Mum stood crying and then stepped forward and I included her in the healing. I asked her to talk to Po quietly in her head and tell him what his life could be like. We stood in a triangle for what seemed ages and slowly Po came round and shook himself.   Po is on a healing journey the love his guardian feels for him will see them through.Horses I visit who in their early years never experienced love from people. Then they arrive with their new guardian and their lives completely change. They are given hope and understanding, time to connect on all levels with their new person. The love and understanding from both the horse and guardian can be felt all around.   The horse will know their person inside out and often tell me what is wrong with their human Mum before I can start on them! They refuse healing until their guardian has received some first. All of this is so special and can only be felt from a deep relationship built on love and trust.So it is not only me who has been experiencing deep changes, but also the horses as well. Like my healing journey there are many horses who are having to face huge mountains. Both physically and emotionally one effecting the other until some times there feels no where to turn. Like me they need time and gentle understanding and healing of the body mind and spirit. Then we will all be in a position to feel the sun on our backs and welcome the Spring with a buck and a gallop just because we can.